Skyrim guards won’t wear clothes anymore


Guards in Skyrim appear to have decided that they don’t need to wear uniforms anymore and are legging it around Markarth and Solitude in their underwear.

Skyrim is globally renowned for how weird its glitches can be, as evidenced by the recent phenomenon of players showcasing their experiences with dragon-riding giants. Said glitches often become beloved among the game’s community and are seen as unintentional humor, as opposed to being irritating or deterring.

This new one is extra weird, though, because multiple people are coming across Imperial guards who are policing the streets in the nip. Check out the Reddit post below.

Let me guess…someone stole your uniform… from skyrim

“Let me guess… someone stole your uniform” is a world-class caption for this frankly incredible screenshot. Imagine being a guard tasked with keeping the streets of Markarth safe and waltzing right up to the last ever Dragonborn in a pair of tighty-whities. How does this man still have a job, I thought to myself. Surely Imperial guards have a strict dress code.

Apparently not, because the lads up in Solitude are doing the exact same thing. Even the ones who patrol the gardens of the Blue Palace, which Skyrim’s old High King used to live in.

Let me guess, someone stole your weapons and armor. from skyrim

“You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people,” says the guard. “What say you in your defense?”

“Put some trousers on, man,” I say. “Surely you can’t take me to jail in your Calvins.”

So far I’ve only seen two people post screenshots of guards refusing to wear reasonable clothes, but trends catch on pretty quick in the Elder Scrolls community. For example, a few months ago people spent ages mass debating about Elder Scrolls dicks. As soon as one person posts something new, everyone starts to share their stuff. The Skyrim subreddit is probably going to become inundated with undressed guards in no time.

Somehow this still isn’t the best Skyrim story from the last few weeks, though. The best one is about the person who decided to submit all of their college essays in Dovah. I’m sure Paarthurnax would have been impressed, but I highly doubt the person marking it was.

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